I've Moved!

Hey Guys, I've moved over to Tumblr. Check me out at www.nudistnews.tumblr.com or if you need me in live action....

New York Sweaty

Greetings all. Got a bit of a heatwave going on in the Big Apple here. Which I think serves as the perfect opportunity for me to answer the big question people seem have about me. And no, it's not my world famous risotto recipe which I'll talk about at another time. It's, obviously: why do I go around naked? I think the current molten temperatures say all there is to say about that. see, when I'm training, I can't just shove a bunch of ice cubes down my shorts to cool off and not expect it to affect my speed. Not to mention the fact that when it melts it's going to look like I peed my pants, which is not cool. Not to mention the fact that I don't even wear them because wearing pants goes against everything I stand for. but that's besides the point. And as far as me just taking off until the weather gets a little less surface of the sun—like? That's just not an option. You don't stay the world's fastest anything by getting out of the kitchen the minute things get too hot. I mean, sure, I like sitting on my couch watching t.v. with the air conditioner blasting as much as the next guy. But I'll tell you what i like more, and it rhymes with "shmame and smortune." And "shwomen." I'll let you in on a little secret. This is how i beat the heat when things get really sizzling out there, because, sometimes, even getting completely naked doesn't do the trick. 1.) I get a buzz cut. On my stuff. That's a comfort thing and an general maintenance thing I like to do. Highly recommended. 2.) hot peppers. If you've ever wondered how people in equatorial cultures live without fans and ice cream and pools, there's our answer. I eat a bunch of hot peppers, I start sweating, and even though I feel like I'm going to crap fire because my stomach is full of white hot charcoal briquettes, my body temperature falls a couple degrees closer to normal. That and my skin somehow wicks moisture like a duck. Keep cool, people.

Commander In Cheeks? No Thanks!

So New York's "Naked Cowboy" wants to run for mayor of the city. And naturally, everyone's asking me, 'Donnie, Donnie, what do YOU think?' Do they ask because of my political leanings? Or my astute understanding of what people want in a leader? Of course not. They want to know what the OTHER naked dude has to say on the topic. Well, that's just offensive. I mean, he's not even really a nudist. Look at him. He wears little superhero underpants and a hat and boots. I may keep my shoes and socks on when I train, but at least you can see my junk. And my butt cheeks. The "naked" cowboy isn't letting anyone see his butt cheeks. That's false advertisement right there. His whole identity is a SHAM!! And he thinks he can be MAYOR!!? This candidacy is built on lies and fabrication. And I for one will not support such malarkey. On a side note, keep your eyes peeled for my long awaited bio-mentary: The World's Fastest Nudist—Naked Ambition. Coming soon! —WFN

Tushy-moto

Back in the states!! Japan was fun. I met several challenges abroad. I also met several challenging broads. I also drank from my toilet out of fear that my water glasses has been coated with toxins—jealous, underhanded trickery aimed at rendering me unable to defend my title. What fools. 

Bum goes my dynamite

Met a man today in Israel. He told me about his family. Then he took off his tattered jacket and tried to race me. I was easily ahead when the man fell, apparently in an effort to avoid a stray chicken which had wandered into our path from a nearby house. I approached my felled opponent with caution; sensing his tears were just a ploy to get me off my guard so he could unfairly run ahead of me and win. My fears were calmed quickly, however, as his tears turned into howls of pain and I saw his tiny, fractured fibula bone piercing through the skin on his leg. What a fool I was to suspect this gentleman of cheating. Almost as foolish as he thinking he would become the world's fastest nudist. The world is mine.